Re: My Dining Room Table Pt II

Wouldn't that solid red oak make a decent cab?

DW

"js" <nothing AT nothing DOT com> wrote in message
news:47ce35d0$0$1077$4c368faf@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Read the first part? Good.

OK, let's fast forward bout 18 months...

This goddamn table has been mocking me. Every time I look at it I get
pissed
off.It's not even the ugliness, as much as it is the fact that I was
steamrolled into trading a Toyota Corolla for a Yugo. I was gonna polish
this tured until it shone like the sun...

I'd wanted to begin, but I either didn't have the time, and/or couldn't
find a non-musician to help me lift the glass top (I'm not about to chance
ending anyone's career over a table)

Finally in December, we put in some hardwood floors (thanks to the feral
cats shitting/pissing/puking on the carpet). The company we contracted
actually moved our furniture for us, so I had them leave the top off the
table.

I figure January will be slow gigwise; a couple weeks of sanding and
refinishing, and we'll have a new table by Feb, easily.


So I try the Kutzit again on one of the sides, figuring the flat will soak
up more juice. Same thing as before.

What DID work was some heavy duty, low grit floor sander paper - only I
couldn't use an electric sander, as it rounded everything off. So it was
basically stripped with various homemade sanding blocks, by hand. Tedious,
but I used to sand for a living, so it wasn't all bad. Thus, every spare
minute in Jan is spent sanding.


As I'm going along, notice these little angle brackets between the legs
and
the table sides. They were so small that they looked ornamental. As I go
to
remove them, the tiny 1/2" x #4 screws either break off in the wood, or
come
out twisted - as if someone had just crammed them in there with a hand
drill. Definitely not stock...

Once these were off, I start stripping the legs. I'm steadying the first
leg with one hand, and sanding with the other. 10 seconds in, the fucking
leg COMES OFF IN MY HAND - as do the other 3 legs. Jesus.

Now I strip the legs separately, and figure out how to reattach them. It
was
at this point that I discovered the horrible reality of the situation:

These legs were deliberately SAWED off what had been an decent quality
table, then reattached later using ONLY 1/4" dowels sunk like 1/2" in, the
aforementioned angle brackets and...BONDO! Yes, Bondo was a structural
element used to fill in the huge "V" notch they cut into each leg
with...using a Chainsaw perhaps? Then it was all simply painted over.

Well, I'd come this far so why stop now?

Jan becomes Feb. We're eating meals on TV trays. I finish stripping the
table. Looks to be solid red oak with walnut legs, nice ornamentation,
itwas
proably painted originally, but the grain is is an A quality - so it's not
totally in vain. My plan is to dowel the legs w/1" hardwood sunk about 1
1/2" deep each way, glue with Gorilla Glue, and then add some heavy duty
angle brackets, and some decorative structural support on the front..

Spent about a week measuring and trying to figure out how the *** to get
these parts into my drill press and make a clean hole. Spent another 2
weeks
doweling and trying to get the legs not to slip off while drying. I
discovered then that the jack asses didn't cut the legs evenly, so they
tended to slip out when the glue expanded. With lots of trial and error, I
got them to clamp...except for one...


I also discovered something else: In addition to cutting the legs off,
they
cut the TABLETOP off, and slapped the glass on there for that "Miami Vice"
look, I guess. The frame is racking something fierce, and needs to be
supported on the inside as there is NOTHING but the weight of the glass
keeping it stable.


So here's what we have: A decent quality hardwood table, like you might
get
from a better home store. The legs have been sawed off and reattached with
light weight dowels and useless angle brackets, and held together with
Bondo. The structural table top has been sawed off and rep,aced with a
100lb
glass top - with NO other structural support. How this thing did not
collapse while we were eating one night is beyond me.

As with Iraq - when you're this far into a disaster, you have two options:
Cut and run, or trudge forward and hope that your actions will turn things
around. I chose the latter.

I try gluing the uncooperative leg 3-4 times with various strategies, fill
in the gap with wood chips and Gorilla Glue, then finally secure it with
heavy angle brackets and screws. It seems to work. The end is in sight...

I stain the table with walnut tinted Danish Oil to get the two woods
closer
to matching, then wipe on satin poly. For once there are no problems.
Looks
so nice I'd swear it was almost worth it.

The big day comes when it's ready to go inside. I take it off the drying
blocks, set it upright, and...right away, the SAME fucking leg bends out
cockeyed, as if nothing is holding it, as the table starts to fall over. I
grab the leg and it comes off in my hand - even though it's held on by #8
screws going through the entire length of the leg. I went fucking crazy,
and
promptly threw the entire table against my garage wall and started kicking
it. I was DONE. None of the other legs broke off during that fracas,
interestingly enough.


I told the wife to start table shopping because I was done with that piece
of ***. Then of course, as I let my defeat fester, it became Me vs. The
Leg...

Eventually, I looked at the join for the 100th time, filed both surfaces
clean and straight. Then I glued them and drove long heavy screws into the
leg itself. Better, but not great..

Next, I tried the anchor bolt/threaded insert combo. No dice.

I then realized that the end grain on this piece was too soft and not
gripping anything.

So I came up with my final idea: I Carved out the whole top of the leg,
leaving only a thin strip of facing - much like a neck pocket. I'll take
a
2x2 piece of Oak and glue it in the void, crossgrain. I'll dowel it on 2
sides, all the way through vertically. The anchor bolt should hold this
piece now, and I'll reinforce it with these HUGE concrete spikes I picked
up. I'll glue the whole thing down and finish. Overkill? You bet.


I already did the carving last night. Took me 2 hours. I had to do it by
hand because there are too many broken screws in the leg to use a router,
and I like living. Carving perfect right angles by hand is a bitch, let me
tell you.

If this doesn't work, then I'm done. I swear. Really. I mean it.


So that's where I am now. If you've made it this far - yeah, I'm fucking
insane. But there comes a point where it's a battle of wills, and I'm not
about to let a table win.




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