For you Craigslisters

Inspired by Craigslist ads that run -- "guitar amp dont no what kind $50 obo
leave phone number on awnser macheen if you want to sea it but dont call
again if I don't call you back stupid" -- I'd love to see Craigslist adopt a
set of conditions something along the following lines:

A for-sale ad must feature the brand name of the item and the full model
name or number, failure to provide both costs ten points unless both are
clearly visible in your photo. Combining the wrong brand and model name,
"Peavey Twin Reverb," loses you ten points.

If multiple items are on offer, using the phrase "Too many to list" or
"E-mail or phone to find out what I have" indicates you should have had a
garage sale instead, minus ten points.

Failure to provide an in-focus, properly-lit photo costs ten points, but
multiple photos from different angles or appropriate close-ups adds ten
points. Not having a photo and offering to e-mail one to anyone interested
costs an additional ten points. Referring in your text to a photo (or web
link, or phone number) you have failed to include, minus ten points.

Use of a manufacturer's photo of say an amp or keyboard while failing to
mention the one you have for sale was abandoned at a local bar and sat
outside their back door in the rain and sun for two years will result in ten
lost points in future ads if reported by attempted purchasers.

Use of "Jazz Bass" or "Precision Bass" or "Telecaster" or "Stratocaster"
(lower case or capitalized) in reference to any product not made by Fender,
minus ten points. Actually combining a model name with an inappropriate
manufacturer,"Happy Dragon Brand Les Paul" would also be ten points gone.

Using "Fender" to describe what turns out to be "Squire" costs ten points,
ditto with "Gibson" and "Epiphone," or use of any U.S./British brand name
while failing to mention what you have is one of their made-in-wherever
bargain models.

Claiming to have a '59 Bassman for sale when you really mean some
named-alike reissue made last year that doesn't quite come within a mile of
the real thing, say goodbye to ten points.

Identifying (or failing to) your amp as being made in the U.S./UK vs. one
made since they moved their factory to Korea or China gains or loses ten
points as appropriate.

Placing an entirely inappropriate ad such as pool cleaning in the musical
instruments for sale section, minus ten points.

Failure to indicate the instruction manual is missing costs ten points if
the item is a programmable digital contraption for which a manual is very
much needed. Throwing in extra items not originally included like a
foot-switch or caster wheels adds ten points.

Use of OBO (or best offer) if you don't really mean you'll take the best
offer you get, bad karma but otherwise hard to enforce.

Putting at least three useful pieces of info in the listing title--e.g.
accurate item description, brand & model, location--ten bonus points.

Offering to haul the item to a more convenient location for a possible
purchaser's viewing, plus ten points.

Including the reason for selling the product adds ten points only if it
provides useful info. "I need the money" tells us nothing. "I'm selling
this amp only because I got their more powerful model for the bigger gigs
I'm playing these days," is reassuring as to your satisfaction with the
product. Additional info like informing us you want to sell it before your
ex-wife's lawyer finds out you have it and sells it for you, while
entertaining, offers no bonus points.

Accurately describing the amount of wear on the item adds ten points.
"Still works" does not qualify.

Use of terms like "vintage," "classic," or "antique" when you really mean
worn-out, rusty and nasty costs ten points.

Failure to observe the selling price of identical items and instead asking
for an unrealistically high price and then making grudging reductions in the
price over a period of weeks when everybody knew what they go for used all
along, minus ten points.

Failure to describe any significant problem costs five hundred points
(requires reporting by purchaser once he's out of the hospital due to that
intermittent grounding problem).

Thirty or more negative points and CL pulls the ad. Leftover negative
points apply to your next ad just to make sure you learned your lesson.
Positive points don't accumulate because there is no excuse for a
badly-written ad, this ain't rocket science.

In regard to musician looking for musicians ads:

If sneery references to the things you don't want from prospective bandmates
outnumber the things you're looking for, perhaps you should consider a solo
act. If you object to other musicians' instruments or gear other than as
related to reliability, stay solo. If your own gear is unreliable or
hopelessly inadequate to the purpose you advertise, leave town. If you
dwell on your instrument/gear collection in your ad, lose ten points. If
you fail to indicate your previous musicians wanted ads resulted in your
name being passed around town under the category, "Do not call--flake" then
again consider staying solo. If you indicate your new band is a turnkey
operation with a PA and lights and management and gigs booked and any of
those is not true, shut up. If the "management" is a family member or
someone you're sleeping with you want to keep happy, shut up even more. If
you neglect to mention nobody has ever paid money to hear you perform while
implying that you are a professional, minus ten points. If you claim to
have released an album and that really means you burned a spindle of CD-Rs,
printed labels at Kinkos and gave them away, minus ten points. Minus
another 100 points if your original compositions on your album actually
involve the unauthorized use of commercial tracks. If you identify yourself
as a composer when that really means you made up some new lyrics to old
blues or rock standards, minus ten. If you use descriptives like advanced,
accomplished, professional, established and so on and cannot reasonably back
up any of them, ten negative points. If you list legendary musicians as
your musical influences but nobody but you can detect any sign of that in
your music, ten lost points. If you claim to have worked with a famous
musician when actually that means you repaired his vacuum cleaner, ten
points adios. If you ever fail to turn up on time to any audition,
rehearsal, jam session or whatever you arrange through your ad, negative 100
points.

Man, would Craigslist be a whole lot more useful if people stuck to this, or
what!


.

Relevant Pages

  • Re: A little Craigslist fun
    ... failure to provide both costs ten points unless both are ... clearly visible in your photo. ... link, or phone number) you have failed to include, minus ten points. ... In regard to musician looking for musicians ads: ...
    (alt.guitar.bass)
  • Re: A modest proposal concerning Craigslist
    ... had a garage sale instead, minus ten points. ... Failure to provide an in-focus, properly-lit photo costs ten points, ...
    (rec.woodworking)
  • Re: A modest proposal concerning Craigslist
    ... A for-sale ad must feature the brand name of the item and the full model name or number, failure to provide both costs ten points unless both are clearly visible in your photo. ... If multiple items are on offer, using the phrase "Too many to list" or "E-mail or phone to find out what I have" indicates you should have had a garage sale instead, minus ten points. ...
    (rec.woodworking)
  • A modest proposal concerning Craigslist
    ... failure to provide both costs ten points unless both are ... clearly visible in your photo. ... garage sale instead, minus ten points. ... link, or phone number) you have failed to include, minus ten points. ...
    (rec.woodworking)
  • A little Craigslist fun
    ... failure to provide both costs ten points unless both are ... clearly visible in your photo. ... link, or phone number) you have failed to include, minus ten points. ... If you object to other musicians' instruments or gear other than as ...
    (alt.guitar.bass)