flaunting a plan to do something
- From: "biofilm" <invalid@xxxxxxxxxxx>
- Date: Thu, 21 Jun 2012 23:30:24 -0500
I was pleased when Big Little Wolf invited me to guest post here, because
she's a woman of courage and a writer I admire. She thought her tribe would
enjoy reading about how a man thinks. I thought I'd get to the heart of the
matter and write about my mother.
I was raised by my mother, who never re-married after my father died when I
was eight. She lived for me, which wasn't a good thing. It took many years
for me to separate from her.
I moved out of the house when I was eighteen. That was the first time I ever
stood up to her. Our conflicts had grown more and more heated and I needed
breathing room. She didn't understand this. What I didn't understand was
that we were still tethered even though we now lived under separate roofs.
I spent the next twenty years or so wandering in a sort of wilderness of
women. I married some of them. Fundamentally, I was frightened by them. When
I got in bed with a woman, my mother was right there with us.
I got good at manipulating women. I got especially good at manipulating my
mother. I rarely wanted anything from her, except for her to stop
criticizing me. Manipulating seemed the only choice.
Once, I showed the technique to my two sisters. I provoked an argument with
my mother by flaunting a plan to do something she disapproved of. In the
middle of the argument, I pretended suddenly to notice how lovely her
"Oh, do you think so?" she said.
She forgot the argument. At first, my sisters thought we had staged the
I discovered that if I was ever going to work things out with women, I
needed to spend more time with men. I needed to be around men in a feeling
way, where it was safe to speak the truth. This wasn't easy for me, to speak
the truth to other men. It was easier, but not always right, to tell my
secrets to a woman.
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