Re: Funny stuff
- From: "SF9026" <sf9026@xxxxxxxxxxx>
- Date: Mon, 21 Nov 2005 08:52:49 -0500
Yeah and dont forget youl need a 300,000.00 dollar house to put all of that
in !! Idiot
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"Jonah Falcon" <jonahnynla@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote in message
news:1132520889.518386.257660@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
> The article, since its sinking on the main page as new items are added:
>
> This Publication Advises You Not To Buy An Xbox 360
> by Dennis Farrell
>
> The New York Psuedo-News Post
>
> Microsoft's Jay Allard employs a suggestive dance and his coldly
> calculated fashion sense to sell a horrible video game system to
> today's youth. Not pictured: The rest of the universe at the time this
> photo was taken.There seems to be an awfully big hubbub about
> Microsoft's upcoming video game system, the Xbox 360. The console will
> arrive in stores on the 22nd just in time for the holidays, but unless
> you are being held at gunpoint or are some sort of shipping magnate
> with billions of dollars to spare, you should definitely not purchase
> this box of hell and lament.
> Microsoft has gone with the baffling decision to launch their console
> with only 18 games. That's pitiful compared to the 500 titles available
> on the Playstation 2, which is manufactured by our advertising partner
> Sony, a company that's just all around a bunch of really great guys.
> The poor saps who defy all logic and buy an Xbox 360 won't be able to
> play this season's hottest titles such as the Playstation 2 version of
> 50 Cent: Bulletproof, EyeToy: Operation Spy, and The Official
> Playstation Magazine Demo Disc. I have no idea why Microsoft chose to
> launch the system with 18 titles instead of 500, but it's safe to say
> they definitely hate their audience.
>
> As of this time, there are only a handful of people using the Xbox
> 360's Live online multiplayer service, and they are mainly Microsoft
> employees and members of the gaming press. The console has not actually
> gone on sale yet, but it's obvious that such a pitifully low number of
> users means no one is interested and that the Live service will tank
> horribly. One analyst projects that Live will literally crash and burn
> within a week of the Xbox 360's launch, and that the console itself
> will fail completely within the month. Another analyst disagrees,
> however, projecting that the console will fail within three weeks.
> There were a few other analysts who didn't believe the console would
> fail at all, but their predictions didn't really jibe with my article
> so I decided not to quote them.
>
> The main selling point of the Xbox 360 is that its games will all take
> advantage of the higher resolutions available on HDTVs. While this will
> benefit a handful of erudite playboys who can afford such frivolities,
> it seems that Microsoft only cares about these select individuals,
> leaving the rest of us to wonder whether or not the Xbox 360 will even
> be worth buying if we don't have an HDTV. The answer is a resounding
> "NO WAY MAN".
>
>
> According to analysts, the console will detect when a standard non-HDTV
> is connected and then magically make each game's high polygon counts,
> lighting effects, normal mapping, motion blur, and other state of the
> art visual effects disappear completely. After this process games will
> look considerably worse than the superior titles on the Playstation 2
> (which is available in stores now), and will actually be rendered
> entirely in 2D with crude sub-Pong graphics. Analysts say that in
> addition to looking slightly worse than Pong when displayed on a normal
> television set, every single Xbox 360 game will literally be Pong but
> with completely unresponsive controls. Whether you buy the newest
> football game, first person murder simulator or racing game the results
> will be the same: Crappy Pong. You're free to make up your own mind as
> to whether that's a good thing or not, but I am telling you right now
> that it's not and as a member of the press I am infallible.
> Further proving that they hate those who live in middle and
> lower-income households, Microsoft decided to sell the premium edition
> of their console for the outrageous price of $400! For $100 more than
> the $299 base system, unwitting customers will be duped into getting a
> 20gb hard drive worth $99, component cables worth $40, a headset worth
> $20, and a remote worth $30. These worthless add-ins were clearly
> tossed in like plastic prizes in cereal boxes so children will plead
> with their parents to buy the more expensive package. It's deplorable,
> really.
>
> But it doesn't end there! Just to get your Xbox 360 up and running with
> the barest of essentials you'll need to shell out a frightening amount
> of money.
>
> Simply buying the measly library of 18 games available at launch will
> cost you $900. You'll also need three extra wireless controllers, every
> single faceplate available to customize your console depending on your
> mood, and an extra Xbox 360 in case your first one breaks or gets a
> smudge on it. These necessities will run you another $800. If you want
> to play any of your games online you'll need to sign up for Live, which
> will run you $2,500 for a lifetime if you're around 24-30 years old.
> You'll of course need a top of the line HDTV to fully enjoy the
> experience, which will cost you another $3,000 or so. After factoring
> in a corinthian leather couch to sit on as you play, electricity,
> housing, and a broadband connection, you're looking at a total
> investment in the range of several hundred thousand dollars just to
> play a handful of subpar games!
>
> Compare that insane expense to the cost of, just off the top of my head
> here, a sleek Playstation 2 which sells for only $149, and it quickly
> becomes apparent that you're a jerk if you buy an Xbox 360.
>
> Analysts also warn that the Xbox 360 could potentially carry a mutated
> strain of the asian bird flu. The consoles are being assembled in
> China, which is notorious for being asian. Despite this blatant public
> health risk, Microsoft has decided not to check any of their units for
> the bird flu. I guess profit means more to them than human life.
>
> If you still haven't been swayed and are actually thinking about buying
> an Xbox 360, you should know it has severe limitations which could put
> you and your family at risk. In the event of an emergency, the Xbox 360
> can NOT be used as a flotation device and has not been approved to put
> out grease fires due to its shoddy design and Microsoft's willingness
> to cut corners. The console does indeed play dvds, but fast-forwards
> through scenes it doesn't like and flat out refuses to play any movie
> starring a now-deceased actor.
>
> Given this myriad of shortcomings, it's not really a big surprise that
> no one is excited about the console at all. Not a single person. I
> conducted a poll by calling random phone numbers in a Syrian area code
> at around 3am their time, and not one single person replied to my
> question of "Are you excited about the Xbox 360?" with a "yes". Some of
> them were so irate about the shortcomings of the system that they
> actually yelled at me!
>
> Don't be fooled by the slick advertising and deceptively impressive
> hardware and launch titles. Hold on to your hard-earned money until
> next week's holiday guide, "How Many Copies Of '50 Cent: Bulletproof'
> For The Playstation 2 Should I Buy For My Kids?"
>
.
- References:
- Funny stuff
- From: Xander Vlasveld
- Re: Funny stuff
- From: Jonah Falcon
- Funny stuff
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