Re: This Dave in History - December 22

Donz5 wrote:
1982: It's another "My Dog Bob" remote: tonight, Dave and Merrill
leave their holiday turkey unattended on the kitchen panel as Bob
grabs the food and knocks down the home Christmas tree.

1983: Viewer Mail: A letter-writer asks what would happen if she
stopped watching the soap opera "Another World"; Dave imagines food
lines, riots, and suicides. After too long a time, Paul shakes Dave
back to reality. Hal pipes in to Paul: "A little faster next time."
Paul shouts back, "Try giving the cue a little faster."

1986: Paul does his holiday impression of Anthony Newley, as Dave
shows a photo of "Late Night with David Letterman" grafitti painted on
the Berlin Wall.

1987: Top Ten Elf Pick-Up Lines - 10. "I'm down here."

1988: Top Ten Circus Family Holiday Traditions - 7. Count off 12 days
of Christmas -- 1 day per finger.

1988: It's Elf Night, with the Late night staff dressed as elves and
undergoing “Elf Drills.” Also, a live remote at a Christmas Tree Lot
on 28th St., as Dave annoys both buyers and sellers.

1989: The Viewer Mail Theme is performed tonight by the Children's
Bell Choir. Top Ten Ways Dogs Celebrate Christmas - 8. Leave Santa a
glass of milk and a mutilated squirrel.

1992: Top Ten Things That'll Get You Kicked Out of a Department Store
- 8. Announce over K-Mart loudspeaker that for next 15 minutes, all
male shoppers can take a shot at Jaclyn Smith.

1992: Top Ten Things That'll Get You Kicked Out of a Department Store
- 1. Licking the mannequins.

1993: Top Ten Inaccuracies About The White House - 4. Lincoln bedroom
doubles as Socks' litter box.

1993: Zsa Zsa Gabor defines various phobias (Mysophobia - fear of
dirt), then chases Dave across the stage with a broom.

1994: Holiday Gift Items: Roseanne's Tattoo Remover, My First DNA
Testing Kit, and Ed Asner "Make My Back Pretty" Doll.

1994: Top Ten Items on the North Pole Police Blotter - 4. Deranged
gingerbread man arrested after several hours on street corner shouting
"Eat me!"

1995: Paul performs his annual Cher impression of "O Holy Night" and
Darlene Love performs the only Christmas song Dave likes, "Christmas
(Baby Please Come Home)."

1995: Top Ten Pet Peeves Of U.S. Military Personnel - 9. When you ask
the cook what's in the meat loaf, and he says, "Don't ask, don't
tell."

1997: Top Ten Least Popular Christmas Carols - 10. "Deck The Halls
With Useless Junk / Martha Stewart Made While She Was Drunk!"

"1997: Another "monosyllabic" guest: Angelo Massagli (five-year-old).

1997: Fake clip of "Titanic" special effects.

1997: "Dave gives the turnpike toll taker some gifts" bit.

1997: Fake clip of Late Show Holiday Party.

1997: Rupert Jee presents "Rudolph, the Littlest Reindeer"...

1998: Guests Charles Grodin and John Witherspoon end up staying out there until the end of the show.

1998: Dave goes into the audience and gives someone a $50 refund for a Late Show sweatshirt.

1998: Ten Santas appear in the theater to present Top Ten Department Store Santa Pet Peeves.

1998: The external camera goes to Joe G's Pizza and gets Eric from New York to tape some footage for a "blockbuster" movie trailer: "Badge oh Honor III".

1999: Campaign 2000 is a "high stakes game of cat and mouse". Also, Dave fields calls from the Butterball Turkey Hotline again; Dottie (Racine, WI) talks to him for quite a while.

1999: Top Ten Things a Department Store Santa Doesn't Want to Hear from a Kid (clips of kids at Bloomingdale's with Santa).

2000: CBS Mailbag Letter #1: Dave Faulkner of Orlando, FL, writes: "Hey Dave, What's your handwriting like? Sloppy, I bet." Dave responds: "Hey Dave, if I lived in Florida, I don't think I'd be accusing people of being sloppy."

2000: [No Clinton Classic Joke} Calvert wanders out in a Santa suit and rings a bell. Dave doesn't like the wimpy bell and tells him to beat it.

2000: Paul and Dave are the first to wish you the very best of this holiday season.

2000: Kevin Costner from "last night"'s (Wednesday's) CBS airing of the "Bodyguard"- he promises never-before-told behind-scenes stories.

2000: A holiday tradition: Paul imitates Cher singing "Oh Holy Night". He references Cher's variety show, her Christmas show, guest star William Conrad, etc.

2000: Bob Borden's Fun with Carolers: four carolers mock CATS. Also, Top Ten Signs Santa Hates You: 7. Only "gift" you received was left by Blitzed on your living room carpet."

2001 and 2002: weekend.

2003: Wesley Clark Presidential Quote of the Night.

2003: Homeland Security Tom Ridge announces, in a fake announcement, that if Santa enters US air space, he would be shot on sight.

2003: Holidays in New York Quiz.

2003: Top Ten Dumb Guy Compaints About "The Lord of the Rings": 2. "I kept trying to talk to Frodo, but he ignored me like he's 'All That'."

2003: Steve Martin sings from his new Christmas With Steve CD. Shannon Eis has more new toys. In Act 5, Alan complains that "this place is run like a Mexican whorehouse!"

2004: The Nog-Cam is in front of Dave Dorsett's camera.

2004: Holiday Cards bit.

2004: Top Ten Least Popular Christmas Carols, sung by the LS Carolers: 5. "O Tennenbaum, O Tennenbaum, why does your name sound Jewish?"

2004: Guests are Tom Dreesen and Kristen Johnston.

2005: Dave shows us a King Kong candle.

2005: Fake ad of a Barbara Walters specual about heaven says that Dwight D. Eisenhower would like to say, "Hell, yeah! Ike's getting his freak on!"

2005: George W. Bush Nicknamin' Genius bit: "Jackson...Action Jackson."

2005: Holiday Shopping Quiz.

2005: Top Ten Signs You're At A Bad Mall: 1. The only thing half-off is Santa's pants.

2005: Guests are Jamie Foxx (also music) and Andy Kindler. In Act 5, everyone responding to an ad for a Panasonic HDTV will get one. Offer expires December 21, 2005 (yesterday).

2006: Paul does his Cher O Holy Night impression.

2006: Al Gore says, in a fake bit, that burning Yule logs will send carbon dioxide into the atmosphere, causing global warming to accelerate.

2006: Fun Facts: Among them, Osama gave out fleece jackets with the Al Qaeda logo; John Deere never cut a blade of grass in his life; in Margaritaville, "wasting away" is the leading cause of death; and Benjamin Franklin had a thing for fat chicks.

2006: Jay Thomas and Dave throw footballs on the tree. Cate Blanchett also guests, and Darlene Love signs "Christmas, Baby, Please Come Home."

2007: weekend.

2008: Bernie Madoff, in a fake bit, apologizes for his Ponzi scheme.

2008: Great Moments in Presidential Speeches: GWB: "In places like Iraq's Anbar Province, people have seen what life under the Taliban looks like, and they decided they want no part of it. Actually, it was life under al-Qaeda looks like."

2008: Clip of the Today show people interviewing people in a cold New York today.

2008: Coach's Corner with Mike Singletary.

2008: Al-Qaeda's Christmas party bit has Dave as a pilgrim.

2008: Top Ten Answers to the Question "How Cold Is It?"

2008: Guests are Dustin Hoffman and Todd Rundgren.

2009: Monologue: "Kevin Jonas, one of the Jonas Brothers, got married. So the only virgins left are the guys lining up for 'Avatar'."

2009: An animated Dave appears in an updated version of A Charlie Brown Christmas.

2009: New languages bit has David Hasselhoff saying "Kahlua and Ambien" while trying to eat a hamburger on the floor.

2009: Top Ten Christmas Carols, performed by the LS Cobblestone Carolers: 6. "Frosty the Snowman had a carrot on the his face, til some young punks relocated it to a very naughty place."

2009: Guests are Susan Sarandon and Colbie Caillat.

2010: "and now, apologist for the regime...David Letterman."

2010: Sarah Palin has a holiday message; she shoots animals.

2010: Alan goes missing; he's at the LS Christmas Party.

2010: Top Ten Signs It's Christmas in New York : 3. Mayor Bloomberg mistaken for Santa's workshop elf.

2010: New Holiday Toys with Shannon Eis; exactly 52 weeks later, she would appear again. Other guests are Denis Leary and music from Grace Potter and the Nocturnals.

Now here are some words of wisdom from our good friend Dr. Phil:

"Are you a helicopter mom?"

Cincy43235@xxxxxxx

-------

"We're just dumb hicks here." - David Letterman
.

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