Re: Erol/Sean Flynn Joke 4/30/2010
- From: Robert Cohen <robtcohen@xxxxxxx>
- Date: Sat, 2 Oct 2010 07:50:43 -0700 (PDT)
On Oct 1, 6:48 pm, Donz5 <do...@xxxxxxx> wrote:
On Oct 1, 6:36 pm, "Alan Page" <alp...@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote:
It looks like it was a reader's joke submission in NY Times' "Laugh
Lines" blog (see item #49, submitted by a Bill Mihalic from Rochester,
Unlikely the joke was ever told by Dave.
Even though there was a show on 3-31-10 there was no "Whaoo Gazette" for
Was there an Editor's strike that day?
What a Wonderful Web We Weave
There was a Wahoo posted for that day. No idea why it wasn't archived
Wednesday, March, 31 2010
National Champion Turkey Callers, Ricky Gervais, and The Whigs
PLUS: "The Real Face of Jesus"; congratulations to Barbara Gaines; and
to Craig Ferguson; a sponsored Top Ten list; and Todd wonders if Dave
has an announcement.
" . . . and now, a man who's corrugated for extra
strength . . . . . . . David Letterman!"
-"Yankee baseball starts Sunday. George Steinbrenner and his sons are
flying in from the Ponderosa."
-"President Obama is opening the entire east coast to drilling. The
west coast is covered by Jesse James."
Odd Dave: not so odd, but I'm including it in my records anyway. It's
Dave at the monologue mark going "wooooooo . . . . woooooooo . . . .
woooooo". Someday, somebody will ask, "Mike, do you remember when Dave
went 'wooooo' at the monologue?"
Last night, the History Channel premiered a fascinating program about
Jesus. We take a look at the promo.
Announce: "Tuesday night on the History Channel . . . new high-tech
methods allow scientists to scan the Shroud of Turin and visualize the
real face of Jesus. The technology is so advanced, for the first time
you can even hear Jesus' actual voice . . . ." (we see an artist's
rendering of Jesus)
Jesus: "Hey, everybody, it's me, Jesus! Remember to rotate your
Announce: "'The Real Face of Jesus.' Only on the History Channel."
Dave offers a big congratulations to our Executive Producer Barbara
Gaines. Earlier today her adoption of her son became official: Simon
Ludvigsen Gaines. Dave wishes Barbara, her partner Aari, and Simon all
the best. It was a proud and emotional moment for the family. When it
was time to share their thoughts at the ceremony, young Simon couldn't
be bothered. He was busy eating cookies.
And congratulations to Craig Ferguson and the "Late Late Show" for
winning a Peabody Award for his interview with Archbishop Desmond
TOP TEN - Tonight's Top Ten is sponsored by Cramp 911!
At the end of the Top Ten opening animation, Alan announces "Tonight's
Top Ten list is sponsored by Cramp 9-1-1 muscle-relaxing roll-on
Shot of Alan: "Hi, I'm rodeo legend Alan Kalter. If you're like me,
you are positively riddled with cramps . . . . . neck cramp, leg
cramps . . . hell, even my cramps have cramps!" (laughs, then turns
serious again) "But seriously, cramps are no laughing matter. That's
why I use specially formulated 'Cramp 9-1-1'. Just roll it on . . .
(Alan applies the cramp lotion) . . . and in as little as 15 seconds,
all that tightness starts to let go and you're transported to a land
of ambrosia and loose women. Oh, God . . . . yes . . . . take me to
ecstasy 'Cramp 9-1-1' . . . ahhhhhhhh . . . . ."
Announce: "'Cramp 9-1-1! Available at Rexall! Back to you, donkey
Yes, people, Cramp 911 is an actual product.
And before Dave can get into the Top Ten, he is interrupted by Todd,
one of our cue card boys.
DAVE: "Oh, hi"
TODD: "Hi, Dave"
DAVE: "It's Todd, one of our cue card boys. What can I do for you?"
TODD: "Dave, did you see Ricky Martin came out of the closet?"
DAVE: "I did see that, yes."
TODD: "Very brave of him."
DAVE: "I agree. That's great."
TODD: "Soooooooooo? . . . . . . . do you have anything you want to say
DAVE: (confused) "Me? . . . . . . no . . . no I don't."
TODD: "Nothing you want to . . . . announce?"
DAVE: "No . . . why?"
TODD: (disappointed) "I had March 31st in the 'Is Dave Gay?' office
pool. Oh, well." Todd exits.
Dave sadly admits, "I'm not going to win any Peabody Awards for stuff
TOP TEN: Highlights of Barack Obama's Oil Drilling Plan
7. Most extensive exploratory undertaking since Harry Smith's
4. 50 barrels of oil reserved each year for Mitt Romney's
hair . . . . . ZING!
NATIONAL TURKEY CALLING CHAMPIONS
#1 Shane Hendershot of Zanesville, Ohio Shane designs new calls as a
project manager for Zink Calls --www.zinkcalls.com
Shane came in 3rd place in this year's Wild Turkey Bourbon Grand
National Turkey Calling Championships. This was his 5th year competing
and is the 2007 champion. Shane's call tonight: the fly down cackle.
This call can be heard when a bird is flying up or down from a roost.
Shane performs his call, and if you closed your eyes you would be
convinced it was a guy doing a fly down cackle. Nice job, Shane.
#2. Jim Pollard of Charleston, Arkansas. Jim works as an archery
technician at a sporting goods store. Jim has been here to the show as
he's been competing in the competition for 10 years and is a 4-time
champion. Plus, he's originally from Corning, New York . . . and
that's Eric Massa territory! Jim hunts with a bow and Dave asks if he
ever accidentally shot one off in his home? Jim gets excited and
proudly says, "I once put one through a wall!"
Jim's call: The cutting of an excited hen. It's used by a single
turkey looking for companionship. It's akin to a human female batting
#3. Mitchell Johnson of Purlear, North Carolina. Mitchell is a
firefighter. He's been competing for 10 years and this is his first
championship! Congratulations, Mitch! His call tonight: the plain yelp
of a hen. This call has different meanings depending on how the hen
And when Mitchell performs his call, you can't miss the mighty
impressive ring on his finger. No, not the wedding band, the other
ring. I think that's the Wild Turkey Bourbon Grand National Turkey
Calling Championship ring.
To conclude, all three contestants tonight perform their call at once,
but this year we have added a little something. We produce an actual
turkey and will watch how it reacts when the champions perform their
call. As they 3 do their turkey calls, we watch the Tom. I think I saw
it blink once.
Ricky was recently on the Jerry Seinfeld show, "The Marriage Ref" with
Larry David and Madonna. What was that like? Ricky said it wasn't as
weird as talking to turkey callers. Ricky got along quite well with
Larry David and they went out for lunch after a taping. When the check
arrived, Larry picked it up and paid. But he eyeballed Ricky and said,
"You didn't even reach . . . ." Now Larry says he'll be coming to
London and he expects Ricky to pick up the tab. Ricky feels all the
niceness disappeared. Larry David really is Larry David.
Ricky has a bit of a beef with Dave. He feels Dave gave his fellow
Brit Jamie Oliver a hard time the other day when he was on. Ricky
exclaims that Jamie is just "trying to help fat people" by educating
them about the food they eat. But truthfully, Ricky doesn't think
Jamie has a chance of making a difference. You can't explain to fat
people why they are fat and think it will make a difference. It all
the pies. It's the cake. Ricky tells of being on a plane with two very
fat women sitting on the other side of the aisle. He felt he should
have suggested to the pilot to sit them on opposite sides of the
plane. He was afraid the plane would only be able to make right turns.
And then there was the bucket of fried chicken one bought on the
flight. Ricky goes on about all the fat in the world and how he's
trying to control his eating. He's decided that instead of dieting,
he'll just exercise more. He's not exercising to get in shape, but
exercising so he can continue to eat whatever he wants.
Ricky's new show on HBO, "The Ricky Gervais Show", is an animated
series of his podcasts with his friends Karl Pilkington and Steve
Merchant. If Ricky Gervais has his name attached to it, it's gotta be
"The Ricky Gervais Show" - Friday nights at 9:00 PM on HBO.
Announce: "It's March Mania at the Late Show! Sixteen stupid tricks!
Eight pets; eight humans; vote for your all-time favorite! Win a trip
to the Late Show by helping us select one ultimate champion! Right now
through April 5th! Go online and make your vote heard. Don't miss out!
Pets vs. Humans: The Ultimate Stupid Trick Tournament.
Make your vote heard!
We'll be right back."
THE WHIGS: From their new album, "In The Dark," The Whigs performed
"Kill Me Carolyne"
And that was our show for Wednesday, March 31, 2010.
You know what I would like? For The Whigs to team up with Alicia
Keys . . . . . . just to hear Dave's intro.
Denise and I went out to eat the other night with two couples from the
neighborhood. It was our first neighbors-out-to-dinner night out in
the 10 years we've lived there. We get to the restaurant and the
waiter goes around for our orders. When it gets to my neighbor, Jim,
Jim says to the waiter, "Surprise me." The waiter looks at him
quizzically. Jim repeats, "You know what's good. Surprise me . . . and
medium is fine if you need to know." The waiter was still a bit
perplexed but slowly went back to the kitchen. Oh, man, I was so angry
at Jim. That is something I should have thought of years ago. I loved
the idea. "Surprise me!" It takes away all the pressure of making a
choice and it's fun to see what you get. Granted, I'm sure the waiter
goes back in the kitchen and says to the chef, "What's not moving?"
But it also puts pressure on the waiter and chef to make the order
extra special. I really really want to do this the next time I go out
to eat buy I feel it's not my idea. I feel as if I would be stealing ...
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EF's great film BURMA ROAD for a-historical/hysterical correctness is
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