Tues. 2/28 Big Show Synopsis
- From: Brady <waterclock@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
- Date: Wed, 01 Mar 2006 19:23:01 GMT
Hey, how's it goin'? I'm alive! Oh, I'm dead *inside*, but I'm alive. Let's take a look ...
- TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 28, 2006 -
On tonight's program: National Turkey Calling Champions, Barbara Walters and Tyler James Williams ("Everybody Hates Chris").
*DESK CHAT HIGHLIGHTS*
"Ladies and gentlemen," Dave begins. "If you know anything at all about me, you know that I'm not the kind of guy who blows his own horn. Although if I could, I certainly would." <<rim shot>>
Several competitors from the National Wild Turkey Federation's annual turkey calling championship are here tonight. The competition was held last weekend in Nashville, TN. "Now these are *wild* turkeys," Dave explains. "These are not the Butterball variety." (Dave does a turkey call of his own.) Dave: "That's a wild turkey. I'm not *in* the competition, but I would have placed." Paul, laughing: "Says who?" "Coincidentally," Dave says of his call. "That's also a French horn." (In tonight's audience, there's "a guy here from Altadena" who plays the French horn.) Dave says when the competitors come out, "you will -- if you close your eyes -- you will imagine yourself surrounded by wild turkeys." Paul wonders whether that's a good thing. Dave: "What do you mean? Are you kidding me?! ... Is there another show on Broadway doing [this]?" Paul: "'Wild Turkey Extravaganza,' but other than that ... " Dave laughs; says that's "just a jukebox show."
Also on tonight's program: Barbara Walters. Dave: "They broke the mold when they threw her away. <<Dave pauses>> What did they do? No. What did they do?" Paul: "They stopped making babes when they stopped making her." Exactly.
It's time to go into Rupert's. Tonight, we'll be playing a little something called ... 'Guess What's Frozen?' While Rupert is outside choosing a contestant, Dave moves on to a few other items.
Dave's buddy Vince got hold of an Academy Awards gift bag. They give them to nominees, presenters and whatnot. Paul knows Vince, right? Sure. He was in Paul's wedding. That's where Dave *met* Vince. The gift basket includes a pack of Tic Tacs, a bird flu mask and some Gay Cowboy Massage Oil. Dave dons the bird flu mask, hoping it "will make the show funnier." Dave, after removing the mask: "I think I *knew* her." Paul, laughing: "Wow." Dave: "Yea. What? Hello." Paul: "It's a family show!" Dave: "I'm sorry. Did I ... ?"
Does Rupert have a contestant? Yes, he does. She's Molly O'Brien, an NYU art history student from Scranton, PA. Who's her favorite artist? Bosch. Dave: "Hieronymus Bosch? The Dutch artist?" Yes. Wow. Dave: "I went to a *state* school." After Dave gives Rupert and Molly a chance to chitchat, Dave has Rupert get Molly some hot chocolate. Dave, to Molly: "I thought we'd *never* get rid of him." What are we playing for? A Conair brand hair dryer. The frozen item: Campbell's Chunky Old Fashioned Potato Ham Chowder. Dave: "Would that even fit on a can?" Dave decides that Molly should win as long as she guesses soup, of any variety. What does Alan think? Alan: "It's your show." So, Rupert reveals the mystery item. Molly can touch it, smell it, lick it -- she can do anything she wants with it. Hmm ... Molly has no idea. She sniffs it and touches it. She says she doesn't really want to taste it. Does Rupert know what it is? He has no idea. Oh, time is up. What's her guess? She thinks it's some kind of ... frozen soup. Yes! And what kind of soup is it, Alan? Alan lets us know in a whisper. Why is he whispering? Dave tells Alan that he doesn't have to whisper at this point. Anyway, Molly wins the hair dryer and a deli platter. So there you go. Coming back from the break, we get a look at a piece by Bosch.
*THE CHAMPION TURKEY CALLERS*
Participant # 1: Walter Parrot (third runner-up, senior division) of Smiths, AL. His call: the 'cutting call.'
Participant # 2: Billy Yargus (second runner-up, senior division) of Ewing, MO. His call: the 'hen assembly call.'
Participant # 3: Matthew Van Sice (champion, senior division) of Grand Valley, PA. His call: the 'kee kee run.'
*BARBARA WALTERS*
I've never seen an entire episode of "The View." That's all I got.
*TYLER JAMES WILLIAMS*
Sure, he was attempting to act older than his age. But isn't that the case with most 13-year-olds? "Everybody Hates Chris" airs on the UPN. Of course, the mediocre UPN and mediocre WB are merging to form a single, crapulent network. So, I don't know what'll happen to 'Chris,' 'Gilmore Girls,' et. al.
*OTHER STUFF*
- 'George W. Bush: Oh My God!' (Bush: "Umm ... <<pause>> First I recognize ... <<pause; blank stare>> that we live in a momentous time in ... " <<pause; blank stare>>)
- President Clinton is recruiting 25 interns for his philanthropic organization. We take a look at how he's advertising for the position. (Use of the words 'blow' and 'job' are peppered throughout the announcement.)
- Act V: 'Late Show' Number Scramble
*MISCELLANEOUS MEANDERING*
Well, I could take this opportunity to discuss the disturbing dream I had last night. But, frankly, it's kind of a downer. So let's just end this 'Synopsis' .... now.
Later ...
Brady
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http://BradyCox.typepad.com/
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