Mon. 8/29 Big Show Synopsis

Hey, how are ya? Here we go ...

 - MONDAY, AUGUST 29, 2005 -
On tonight's program: John McEnroe and Andy ***.

*MONOLOGUE HIGHLIGHTS*
"Thank you. <<opening applause>> Thank you very much. <<continuing applause>> Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. Welcome to the 'Late Show': winner of eight ... Music Video Awards."

"By the way, this is a historic night for us here at CBS. The 'Late Show' is being broadcast for the first time ever in high-definition TV. <<cheers>> Yeah. It's amazing. The picture is so clear, and the detail is so incredible, you can actually read the serial number on my toupee." <<rim shot; laughter; applause>>

"Well, I think this is good news. The Iraqis have a new constitution. <<cheers>> So, that's it, right? We can leave. <<Dave smiles; some laughter>> But President Bush pledged: not to withdraw; to stay the course; and to finish the task. And that's just his vacation." <<rim shot; laughter; applause>>

"Here's a program reminder. How many of you folks get what they call the HBO? <<applause>> They have a new miniseries all about ... ancient Rome. It's fascinating. Have you seen it? <<smattering of applause; Dave smiles; laugher>> I'm learning so much. For example, did you realize that Rome ... was not built in a day? <<some laughter; Dave looks toward Paul>> Yes. That's what I learned. Yeah. It's a very educational program. Apparently, ancient Rome was a hotbed of British actors. <<laughter; applause>> I did not know that."

"I wonder if the high definition will help the jokes." <<laughter; Dave smiles>>

"Oh, congratulations to the Hawaiian Little League team for winning the Little League World Series. <<cheers>> Yesterday, in the championship game, they defeated the Kansas City Royals. <<laughter>> So congratulations ... <<continuing laughter; applause>> That's right."

"But here's what the kids get for winning the Little League World Series. They get free McDonald's and Kentucky Fried Chicken for a year. <<'oohs'>> And 52 six-packs of Pepsi. <<'oohs'>> And I'm thinkin': well actually, it might be healthier if they were takin' steroids."

*DESK CHAT HIGHLIGHTS*
Tonight is the very first 'Late Show' to be broadcast in hi-def. Dave says studies have shown that 1 in every 500,000 Americans currently has a high-definition set. For those people, we take a look at a couple of things, just to showcase the power of hi-def quality. First up: bacon frying. Dave says it's like you're actually looking at bacon frying. What else? We take a look at several stagehands standin' around on the clock. It's like you're right there!

Who's putting away the 'Late Show' bear tonight? 'Late Show' accountant Joe DeGeorge. He does a pretty good job. It's a bit of a struggle, but he safely secures the ferocious beast. Dave points out that the bear is looking mighty trim tonight. Paul say he noticed that as well; says the bear may be working out. Paul also points out that the bear is wearing a Hooters t-shirt. Hooters is tonight's 'Late Show' bear sponsor. Dave says all you have to do to get *your* company's t-shirt on the 'Late Show' bear is simply send in a thousand dollars.

Dave points out that, in about a week, he and Paul will have been at CBS for 12 years. CBS has given up promoting the show. Dave says that's because there's nothing to promote. Well, the hi-def premiere finally gave CBS something to promote. We take a look. (Voiceover: "Tonight, don't miss the *Late Show's* premiere in high-definition television. What a complete waste of technology!")

- Reaction: Pat Robertson's Remarks on Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez (Voiceover: "Last week, Pat Robertson called for the assassination of Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez. While the world has criticized Robertson's outrageous statement, Robert Blake would just like to say, 'How much you offering?' Robert Blake -- still loves killing people.")

- Clip: 'The Democratic Party's Three Word Message' (From Sunday's "Face the Nation" on CBS. DNC Chairman Howard Dean: "I think if we had a three word message right now, it would be: We can do better.")

*RUPERT LEARNS TO DANCE*
How is Rupert? Good. How was his week? Great. Is he excited about the 'Late Show' being broadcast in hi-def? Oh yeah. Dave says Rupert is *really* going to be cashing in now. He'll be picking out property on the moon. Dave says before the show, a guy from Toronto wanted to know whether he (Dave) is getting a cut of Rupert's profits. *Does* Dave get a cut of Rupert's profits? Rupert: "No, you don't." But hypothetically, what could Dave be looking at? Maybe 1-2%? And in such a deal, would Rupert favor net, or gross? Rupert: "Probably the gross." Anyway, Rupert recently took dance lessons. Why is it Rupert went out to take dance lessons? Rupert: "Because you guys wanted me to." Dave, laughing: "Well, that's good enough for me. Take a look."

*JOHN MCENROE*
I never watched a single episode of McEnroe's CNBC show. His viewership was so low that his ratings were barely measurable; he actually got a 0.0 rating, at least once. The best line of the segment: in response to Dave asking about tennis going back to wooden rackets, McEnroe saying it would be like Dave going back to pre-'high-definition' broadcasts. Dave got a big laugh out of that; responded by saying that you definitely can't go back.

*ANDY ****
What a mess. I don't particularly enjoy watching Andy *** in any capacity, whatever the venue. I did enjoy Dave's reaction, including all the one-liners, to Andy's odd ingratefulness. Here's a question for you: what animal was Andy referring to in his second segment? My affiliate had a weather update during the preceding commercial break that ran just a bit long. I got the last half of the story, but I never figured out the type of animal to which he was referring. (Was it a mongoose? I'd bet he was referring to a mongoose.)

*OTHER STUFF*
 - TTL: Signs George W. Bush Is Having a Bad Vacation
 - Alan Kalter's 'I Don't Think So!,' now in high-definition.
 - Act V: 'Late Show' Back-to-School Word Scramble

*MISCELLANEOUS MEANDERING*
All the best to our friends in the New Orleans area, southern Mississippi and along the Alabama Gulf Coast. I heard this morning that water is still rising in New Orleans. The city has a pumping system, but reports yesterday indicated that at least some of the pumps weren't working. Hopefully, the water will soon begin receding such that rescue workers can at least have an easier time reaching those who may be trapped.

That's all I got. Have a good Tuesday, people.

Later ...

Brady
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