Re: OT-No knock knock here

On Thu, 20 Jul 2006 18:58:23 -0400, "qslim" <Suckers@suckersdotcom>
wrote:

The ONLY time I ever heard my mother curse was on a Thanksgiving morning
about ten years ago. She's got everything going, all the burners on the
stove, the oven, the broiler, the toaster oven, the microwave, etc.
Cooking up a storm. Theres a knock on the door and she rushes to get it.
A pair of them are standing on the porch in their little jackets and
ties, asking if we want to know what the book of Mormon has to offer. My
mother politely, but with a bit of irritation says "It is thanksgiving
morning and I'm very busy, thank you. I just don't have time."
With that, she goes to close the door, and one of these assholes sticks
his foot in so it won't shut. Holding the book up to my mothers face he
says "What if I told you it had to do with the truth?"
Now my mom is a conservative little homemaker raised in the midwest. A
lot of June Cleaver going on, you know? But without ANY heasitation, I
hear "You little mother f*cker, do you know what f*ucking day it is? Leave
me and everyone else the f*ck alone, it's thanksgiving, goddammit! Get the
f*ck off my porch right now!"
I jumped up and ran to the door only to see the backs of two guys in
suits running like hell down the street. My mother just looked at
everyone, jaws agape, and went back to her dishes. I laugh now every time
I see a pair of Mormons going door to door, hoping they'll get something
like that again.

I'll Call you and Raise you $500 on that one. ;-)

Some asswipe from Junior High crank calls the house, with a few
friends listening in on an extension (snickering). Mom answers, they
make sure they've got the right house and the right Mom, say they have
a message for me, and they then proceed to recite a long and /very/
filthy diatribe (as filthy as a 14-year-old mind can come up with...)
about me and all my faults as they perceive them - and a few of her
faults, too.

They think they can make a simple crank call, get her squicked and
me in trouble.

But they /don't/ know that Mom had been an AT&T Toll Operator, a
bookkeeper at the LA Produce Mart, an executive secretary, and part
owner of a service station. A Perfect Lady, but she'd heard it ALL,
and if she chose to she could toss it right back at you like a sailor,
in English, Greek, Italian and Spanish. The lady was thoroughly
unflappable.

So she sits there taking notes, then when the diatribe ran out of
steam she responds to the little prick... "Thank You. Now Bruce
gets very annoyed with me if I don't get his messages right, so let me
read that back to you..." and she throws it all right back at them
rather clinically, every filthy word they used, in order, matter of
fact, oh, and you got the tense wrong here, and cocksucker would have
been a much better choice than... "Thank You, Sir, I'll make sure he
gets the message."

About 30 seconds of stunned silence, and they hung up.

And when she "gave me the message" - Priceless.

Don't *** With Mom. ;-)

L'Shannah Tovah. And God help Saint Peter if he gave her any guff
at ALL at the front gate...

--<< Bruce >>--

--
Bruce L. Bergman, Woodland Hills (Los Angeles) CA - Desktop
Electrician for Westend Electric - CA726700
5737 Kanan Rd. #359, Agoura CA 91301 (818) 889-9545
Spamtrapped address: Remove the python and the invalid, and use a net.
.

Loading